Confidence out of defeat (Ironman Coeur d’ Alene 2010)
Ironman Coeur d 'Alene 2010
I’ve never lacked confidence. Often that’s a good thing but on more than one occasion its gotten me in over my head. It’s double edge sword. Lack of Confidence can make me train hard out of the fear of failure. Too much confidence can make me lazy. On race day the confidence that I can run after a hard bike will keep me pushing, while too much can blow me to pieces. It’s a strange mix, I need enough while still respecting the race.
I don’t care how fast or slow, how easy or hard I go, Ironman racing is damn hard! That’s why…in my opinion, in order to “race” (not, finish goal) I must have confidence, there has to be a belief that I am prepared, that all my times goals are in reach, and that if I stay focused I can have the day I want.
Going into Coeur d ‘Alene I was lacking confidence. After my most successful year ever in 2008 I had struggled through 2 Kona’s and 2 half Iron’s. I was lacking the desire to train and the focus to detail my macro cycle. In February I even asked Amanda if she would like to just skip CDA and take a year off? In retrospect I was I was afraid that I had peaked in my abilities and had no where to go but down. I had set the bar so high in 2008 I was worried that I could not live up to that standard. Well I couldn’t but what I figured out is…so what? It’s ok if I don’t. I only know a few athletes that are infinitely consistent. Joe Bonnes is one and Chrissie Wellington another. Even Paula Newby Fraser melted down at Kona and thought she was dying! Like I said this race is hard! If it weren’t I get bored and do something else. Once I made peace with the ups and downs the pressure was off and I started enjoying my training again.
Just before IM CDA I told Amanda I needed a good race. In some ways I did but all told what I really needed was to regain my confidence. I had put a lot of work into my swim and bike this season and I was scared that I would not see the numbers I was looking for. My goal was to swim sub 1:10:00 and to bike around 5:11:00. CDA is a slow swim and the last time I was there I was disappointed with a 1:11 swim. At that time I felt like I was in much better shape than that. This year I swam 1:09 with my highest over all placing. Mission accomplished. I’ve always relied on my biking ability to put me in a good position but last year I was barley competitive with my bike and feared that I had lost some muscle in an effort to get lean and run better. In what felt like tougher condition than 2008 I biked the exact same speed 5:11: 00. The time I had put in worked! Coming off the bike I did what I needed, I put myself in position to have a shot at Kona. I was in 16th position (Kona rolled to 14th) and just need to run to my ability. Well it was not my day. My legs just would not turn over and I knew with in a few miles that Kona had slipped by. At the time I was pretty disappointed. I did the Ironman shuffle to the finish and tried to motivate my friends as I saw them. I finished 55 minutes slower than I had hoped, collapsing in a heap at the line.
I was prepared to be depressed but to my surprise I’m not in the least. To the contrary I’m inspired. After last year I wanted to get back on track. I have been methodical in my training and believe I’m closer than I thought. I’m better in two of the three phases and close to the last piece, my run. I know what needs to be done and am motivated to do it. I have to drop weight slowly until my BMI is 5% and I need months of 10 mile steady state runs. I have the drive for both but more importantly I am confident that I can get there and race well.
